do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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