And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize