just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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