I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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