Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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