I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
