Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
