it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
