Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize