Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
