I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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