My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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