Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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