Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
