So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
