i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
only you would photoshop your dick
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
