It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
