so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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