ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
