Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
