Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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