After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Come on in and take your pants off
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