I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize