I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
