I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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