i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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