Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
