it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
