He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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