I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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