My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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