You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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