there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
