HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
