College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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