I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
