Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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