haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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