I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
