"it" just moved
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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