those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
