I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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