After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize