Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
