I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
