are you still at the devil's house?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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