its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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