I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
