i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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