i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
