just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
