Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
