theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
