ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
