Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
