i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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