I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
