dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
