Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Screwed.edu
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
