Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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