dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize