i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
