WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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