It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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