I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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