11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
