everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
