You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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