Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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