Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
