I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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