i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
