omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
